Hollywood propagates the idea that people just go about their everyday lives and magically, as the doors of the underground close and she happens to dash inside the carriage you’re standing in, your eyes meet, a band starts playing somewhere, and you sail off into the distance, happy ever after.
Don’t ask me how you sail off into the distance when you’re on a train – just know that it happens.
These stories do happen in real life, but they are the exception rather than the norm.
In reality, you have to be a little more proactive, to the point of being dull and methodical, if you want to find the one.
Here’s what you gotta do:
1) Figure out who you are, what you stand for and the kind of woman you want (and refuse to settle for less)
If you work out the first two of the above, the third should take care of itself. Forget the old adage of ‘opposites attract’ – we tend to like people who are just like us.
So once you know, on a deep level, who you are and what you stand for, you will know when you meet a woman just like you.
Where most guys go wrong is that they say ‘I just want a nice girl’. What they tend to get is a nice girl – someone average and plain, nothing too remarkable, fairly inoffensive. If you want someone truly amazing, you have to work out who that person is in your mind, and seek her out. Don’t settle for less.
2) Go to the places where these women hang out
Now you know who you are, what you like, and what you want in a woman. So what hobbies does this woman have? Probably similar to you.
So let’s say you love rock climbing and scuba diving.
Does it make more sense to hanging out in bars and clubs hoping to meet the one, or to go and join up with a bunch of rock climbing and scuba diving clubs, and meet the people there?
Nobody appealing at these clubs? Find clubs further afield. Go on a tour of the country if you have to.
Wherever these women hang out, you have to go – and you have to meet them.
3) Realise that dating is a sorting process
Some men are dateless until their 20s, then they just bump into the one, get married and settle down. Assuming they met the one they actually want to be with, rather than settling because they were desperate (which is far more common), understand that this is not something that happens often.
It’s like pinning your career hopes on winning the lottery jackpot – it could happen, and does happen to some – but it’s not very likely.
Much better to meet as many women who fall in the ‘maybe’ category as possible, set up dates with them and see how it goes. If it doesn’t work out, there are no hard feelings – you just move on to the next girl.
I know this is unromantic and very un-Hollywood – but unfortunately the real world isn’t like the movies, and if you really want to meet the special one for you, you have to start thinking a bit more pragmatically (which is not very sexy, I realise).